Hawthorne Now That It's Over
by Kaleah kaleah
Summary: My take on what happened after season three.
1. Broken Heart's

**Title: **Now That It's Over

**Author: **Kaleah

**Spoilers: **None

**Warnings: **A S, E L, Fluff, S C, Un-Beated, Work in progress.

**Disclaimer: **The views and opinions in this story is that of the author. There is no Copyright Infringement intended. The names of the main characters and a few others in this story are the creation of TNT and Hawthorne the TV show, any and all recognizable characters involved in any images posted are solely owned, and the property of their respective owner or owners or by an unknown developer **that is not me! **I do not own it/them and will not make money on them. The author of this story is in no way associated with the franchise/franchises of any creators, producer, owner or any media that may be used along with this story.

Chapter One

¸.*ƸӜƷ*.¸ You & I ¸.*ƸӜƷ*.¸

**_~*~Broken Heart's~*~_**

**_7:30p.m Monday January 14th _**

It had been six month since the divorce, and eight months since **_Nick's_** death. **_Tom _**and **_Christina_** had found a little common ground and a way to work with each other or so they thought. It had been a long day and the semi bright sky had long disappeared behind the darkness and the falling snow. She stood at the large floor to ceiling window in the main lobby deep in her own thoughts, her arms wrapped around body keeping her slightly warm as she watched the pure white flake's fell in perfect formation from the sky as it blanked the ground below it with another fresh coat.

"Hey! It's—" he cut his words short and paused for a moment as he took in her natural beauty. "It's beautiful isn't it?" he asked in a soft masculine voice as he finally approached her side. **_Tom_** had noticed her standing there and couldn't help himself, making sure he stood out of sight, he watched for a while as she stared out into the dark nothingness probably contemplating anything and everything that was going on in her life.

**_Christina_** turned a little startled and a bit surprised at the sound of the familiar voice pulling her from her thoughts; his was one of two that she could pick out of a crowded room blindfolded. As reality took the place of the far away expression a slight but non-existing smile pulled at the corners of her mouth, she stared at him slightly confused as to why he was standing there talking to her considering that the only time he spoke to her nowadays was when it was necessary. "Sorry what was that?" she muttered in a soft dejected tone, she hadn't actually heard what he had said, she just knew he had said something, never taking her eyes off of him she noticed that he was all bundled up and ready to take on what was on the other side of the double doors with extreme persistence.

Knowing that his presence was probably unwelcomed he was silent for a moment as he took in her features, he couldn't help noticing the exhausted and disconsolate expression settled behind her eyes and as usual, she was trying her hardest not to show it. **_Tom_** nodded his head toward the window watching as she followed for a split second before she diverted her attention back to him. "I was talking about the snow and how beautiful it is," he replied easily with a soft smile as his thoughts took him back to a happier time. "It reminds me of when—," **_Tom_** paused cutting his words short as reality suddenly pushed its way to the forefront of his mind he had promised himself that he would never open that door again.

**_Christina_** noticed the discontented expression suddenly appear on his face, she quickly turned back toward the window and the falling snow. Shifting slightly from one foot to the other knowing exactly what he was thinking, every time it snow she couldn't help smiling and remembering the same event, the very first night they had ever spent together but not in a sexual way.

_It all started a blissfully cold winter night in the Poconos they were there for a medical conference unfortunately one that __**Morrissey**__ had insisted that they both attend, to this day, she still wondered whose bright idea it was for them to stay in cabins instead of a real hotel. __**Christina**__ had returned from dinner and was trying to settle in for the night when she realized that her room seemed colder inside than it did outside. After fumbling with the thermostat for a few minutes hoping that the semi small room would heat up she realized the longer she waited the colder it got. Sighing heavily she reluctantly put her hat back on and headed for the cold outdoors to walk the short distance to the entryway of the large cape-cod style inn feeling that it was no use calling it in and just sitting there in the cold waiting for someone to show up. _

_Finally reaching her destination_ **_Christina_**_ turned the handle of the large wooden door taking a moment to shake off the snow from her body that had fallen onto her before entering the room. As her eyes wandered around the lobby, which was still lit up brightly but was completely deserted now, she couldn't help wondering as she stood there where everyone had gone so quickly, not thirty minutes ago, the place had been filled with guest eating, relaxing and enjoying what one would call meaningful her way from the door to the front desk, peering around the corners for any sign of another person still breathing in the building she shook her head still bewilder as to where everyone had gone. She was just about to ring the bell to attract someone's attention when she heard the sound of voices coming from the large dining area that sat on the other side of the den directly adjacent to the lobby. __**Christina**__ followed the sound of the voices and stopped when she saw two of the Inn's employees she politely said excuse me getting the attention of one but not the other asking if she needed any help. As she stood there explaining the situation to the young woman she couldn't help noticed that Tom had entered the room with a look of concern fixed on his beautiful face. Apparently, he had called her to say goodnight but when she didn't answer he decided to head over to her cabin, once he was there he found that she wasn't and then decided to look for her. As he approached them, the front desk clerk had just started to explain to her that they were booked, there wasn't another empty room or cabin available, and before the woman could suggest an alternative solution to the problem Tom had spoken up offering to share his cabin. _

**_Christina _**couldn't help but smile at the thought thinking he truly had always been her night and shining armor. But suddenly the smile faded as reality settled in she was now feeling a little more nervous than before at being in his presences this was the most they had spoken or been in each other's presences in the last eight months. "Yeah! It is," she replied in a smile that hadn't quite reached her eyes at remembering his question about the snow. "How bad do you think it's going to get out there?" she asked desperately wanting to disappear from this moment in time.

**_Tom_** turned his attention from the large window and the winter storm that was battering the streets of Richmond. "Not sure, there saying around another eight inches if not more," he replied as the wind suddenly picked up blowing a heavy and strong gust of snow past the window. The snow had been falling since that morning off and on an hour ago the new caster reported that the city of Richmond was expected to receive another eight to ten more inches by morning. "And by the way what are you still doing here? You should have gone home hours ago," he muttered concern dripping from the tone of his voice as he turned back toward the window.

**_Christina_** swallowed the growing lump in her throat suddenly feeling the need to look away from him before any moisture could escape her eyes, the thought of going home and spending another lonely cold night in an empty house without him was killing her slowly. She was doing her best to take it one day at a time hoping that time would heal her, but truth be told she knew it wouldn't she still loved him more than she was willing to admit to anyone even herself. 'There's nothing to go home to,' she muttered under her breath as she answered his question in the only way she knew how with a sassy retort. "You know I could ask you the same thing. But," she paused for a moment. "I see you're ready to head out."

**_Tom_** continued his study gaze out the window saying nothing for a long moment praying that his nonplussed expression at her confession didn't show on his face he didn't want to give her any inkling that he had heard what she had said. "No," he rebutted to her remark as a slight chuckle escaped his lips, he took his eyes off the falling snow and blowing wind for a moment to look down at her with a slight laugh. "I'm on duty tonight."

"You're always on duty **_Tom_**." She giggled in return as she turned her attention once again toward the falling snow, believe it or not it was one of the things she loved about him, his devotion and passion for his patients it was something they shared to a fault.

"Look who's talking, you're here as much as I am if not more. You do know that they check your office and page you a few times before they call you at home or just say she's not here don't you? Even in this new position they still do."

**_Christina_** couldn't help but narrow her eyes and raise a suspicious brow at him. "I think you're making that up," she replied in a disbelieving giggle. "Seriously!" she questioned knowing that he was probably telling the truth. "Wow!" she muttered still couldn't believe it, they were standing there laughing about the both of them being workaholics and he was acting like his old self with her before they had gotten married and she had turned their world upside down.

**_Tom_** smiled but said nothing to her newfound knowledge as the sound of her soft laughter he loved so much started to dissipate, it had been over eight months since he had seen her smile or heard her laugh. "Seriously," he finally shot back as he turned back toward her feeling as if he desperately needed to say something else, she had always been his everything, from the moment he met her, even before he had realized he was in love with her. **_Christina_** had become an important part of his life even before she had become his wife, to him she had been his lifeline, his muse; his best friend and the first true love of his life and he was still having a hard time letting that go. He wanted that part of her back, that part that hadn't hurt him, that part that hadn't ripped his heart out of his chest with her bare hands, that part that hadn't put it through a shredder before placing it in a concrete tombstone and burying it so deep that he couldn't find it if he wanted to.

"**_Christina_**—," her name rolled off his tongue and hung in the air just as he noticed the car he had been waiting for pull up just under the overhead outside the woman he had been seeing decided to stop by on her way home from work to see him. "Umm—," he paused for a split second not that one would notice feeling that he didn't have the right to ask what he was about to ask of her, but he had some things he needed to say and this was the time to do it he thought while they were in this frame of mind. "Can you wait here I want to talk to you, just give me a few minutes I'll be right back," he added as he pulled the hood over his head and walked out the double doors into the harsh cold winter toward the car and the waiting person inside of it.

**_Christina_** stood there shivering as the cold air seeped through the doors next to her as it opened then closed, her mind wondering as it finally comprehended what he had just said. "What could he—," she muttered aloud as the background noise around her suddenly went quiet a kind of silence and stillness that could only be followed by death. Unfortunately, that would be the death of her heart sinking deeper into her chest as she watched him giving his undivided attention to the woman undoubtedly sitting in the driver's seat of the car next to him. **_Christina_** had heard through the hospital grapevine he'd been seeing someone, but it all seemed so surreal until now, there were still so many things, she wanted to say to him as well, so many things that she thought needed a resolution, but now she knew it was too late. She sighed softly to herself as she turned and walked away from the display playing out before her, this was more than her heart could handle suspecting or even knowing was one thing but actually seeing it as it stared her point blank in the face was another.

Taking what seemed like the longest elevator ride and walk known to man back to her office, **_Christina_** had decided to try and finish some paperwork that was long overdue, at this point, she would do anything to take her mind off what she saw and what she called her life. Finally reaching her home away from home she couldn't help but shake her head giving a long thoughtful but dismissive look around the room. **_Christina_** just wanted to escape but unfortunately, sheknew she couldn't escape herself, her flaws, her fears, or the lack of self-worth she was feeling, all of it making her feel lonelier then she had ever felt in her life. She couldn't lie to herself anymore it was no use, the taunting of and wanting more, and needing something that she tried desperately not to think about just made it worst seeing him with another woman just confirmed what she already knew. She sat at her desk in a half daze reflecting on the days, the weeks and the months that had passed and her bleak future that followed along with the empty and lonely bed that waited for her once she finally made it to the place she actually called home.

**_Tom_** walked back into the lobby half expecting to see her still standing there waiting for him, but it wasn't a surprise when he didn't, he had a feeling that she wouldn't stay. For the last eight months, the only time they shared a causal word or brief conversation were the occasional nonchalant hey's in the elevator, department head meetings, or when it concerned **_Camille_** other than that, they kept their distance.

"Dr. **_Wakefield_** are you okay?" Barbara-Ann the night receptions questioned with a perplexed expression noticing that he seemed to look a little lost as he stood in front of the information desk searching the empty room for something or someone in particular.

"Umm—," he paused sounding unsure of the question that had just been asked of him. "Did you happen to see where Mrs. **_Hawthorne_** went?"

Barbara-Ann lifted her gaze with another dumbfounded expression everyone in the hospital that knew them descried their relationship as one of love and war. "Umm—, sorry Dr. **_Wakefield_** I didn't," she quickly replied diverting her attention back to the computer as she started inputting more information into it. "Do you want me to page her for you?" she asked just as she clicked the mouse and looked up to see he seemed completely preoccupied with his thoughts.

**_Tom_** mentally shook his head as he turned with a raised brow at realizing just what the women had asked. "Why on earth would I want you to do that?" he snapped without hesitation.

The woman stared at him not completely confused but she wasn't quite sure how to respond to his abruptness. "Sorry Dr. **_Wakefield_**," she muttered with a slight attitude in her tone. "So! I heard that there calling for eight more inches," she rambled off quickly changing the subject. "Is it still coming down out there?"

**_Tom_** narrowed his eyes at her before glancing slightly over his shoulder at the floor to ceiling window and the snow that was still coming down like crazy thinking now that was a stupid question all she had to do was turn her head. "Uh—yeah!" he chucked slightly as he answered dismissively before he started across the main lobby toward the elevators shaking his head wondering where they found these people all the while deciding to head toward **_Christina's_** office, but before he could make it to the elevator his pager started screaming at him letting him know that he was needed elsewhere. **_Tom_** sighed heavily as he glanced down turned and headed in the opposite direction, thinking what he had to say to her would have to wait duty calls.

**_11:45pm_**

Sighing heavily at realizing it was a lost cause trying to continue and give her undivided attention to the same information that she had read for the umpteen time and still not getting a clear understanding of it, she finally closed the manila folder that was sitting in front of her. **_Christina_** had been sitting in the dimly lit room for hours now doing her best to push through the stack of files and papers scattered across her desk and for the life of her, she still hadn't made a dent in them, contrary to popular belief, she didn't just write anything down and call it done.

Letting out a breath she pulled the elastic band form her hair allowing it to fall cascading around her shoulders as she rose from her chair and walked over toward the window, unfortunately it was still snowing but not as heavily as it had been a few hours ago when she was standing in the lobby. **_Christina_** folded her arms across her chest as she stared out into the nothingness as his words and the scene that had played out in front of her repeated itself in her mind for some reason it wasn't giving her a moment of peace. "Jesus Christ **_Christina_** you—," she muttered at hearing the knock at her door bring her out of her current thought, turning her head with a mild but projected interest she called out for the person on the other side to come in before turning her attention back toward falling snow. "What can I do for—?" **_Christina_** words trailed at hearing the door close and the lock turn, her eyes widened as she turned her gaze from the window once again toward the sound. Suddenly she gasped, her breath catching at the sight of him, her mind now wondering why he was there or better yet, why he had locked the door behind him, after leaving; the lobby she really hadn't expected to see him again at least not that night. "**_Tom_**—" his name left her mouth in a tentative and surprising tone as the soft glow from the desk lamp caught his eye. "Did you—," she couldn't help but pause briefly, her words hanging in the air with a slight hesitation as the perplexed look on her face began to soften. "Need something?" she finished trying to get a hold of her faculties her heart had started pounding, her body suddenly started trembling, and she prayed that he hadn't noticed.

**_Tom_** stood studying her for a few moments doubting if she really wanted an answer to that question, but he also had to ask himself if he really wanted to answer it truthful or not, yeah he needed something. "Umm— Not really," he replied rubbing a finger across his smooth shaven chin as he continued his gaze at her, truth be told he was still mesmerized by the medium tone whiskey coloring of her eyes that still captivated him even without the spark that once lived within them. "I—" the thought caused him to pause as his words trailed quickly making him reevaluate what he really wanted to say. "I just wanted to make sure that you were ok," he muttered finally offering her the cup that was sitting in his right hand. **_Tom_** couldn't deny that he still loved her or the way his heart leaped in his chest when he saw her and he definitely couldn't deny the rush of arousal that flooded him when he was around her it was one of the many reasons other than the fact that she cheated on him he stayed away.

Once again, her smile was one of nervousness feeling a little uneasy under his intense gaze as she took the mug he was offering of hot coffee from his hand. "Thank you and I'm fine," she muttered lowering her gaze to the cup that was now warming her hands as she slowly moved from the window to desk, sitting the mug down as she took a seat in the large chair behind it. "I— I just came back here to catch up on some paperwork," she stated feeling the need to explain why she left the lobby after he had asked her to stay. "So—," she picked up the cup and titled it to her lips blowing at the hot liquid thinking this was just what she needed to get her through the rest of her night. As she took a small sip, she glanced up watching as he eased himself into one of the two leather bound chairs that was sitting across from her desk. "Is this your special brew?" she questioned. It was just the way she liked it, two sugars and a touch of cream.

**_Tom_** nodded his head indicating that it was, as his gaze never left hers suddenly feeling a tightening coiling deep within him as he watched her lick her lips in a way that he though was so obscene that if it wasn't it should have been illegal and damn he wanting to taste them. "I—," he cleared his throat now feeling a little uneasy in the chair he had just taken moments ago, "wouldn't give you anything less," he finished thinking he needed to have his head examined for even thinking about going there especially with her, but eight months without sex was starting to take a toll on him. "So what are you working on?" he questioned trying to shift his body to a more comfortable position as he tilted his head slightly pointing his chin toward the files and scattered papers sitting on the desk in front of her.

**_Christina's_** eyes darted down then quickly back to him. "Just some reports that needed to be finished weeks ago," she easily explained as she took another sip of what she knew was the best coffee in the hospital. "So—," she said slowly with a pause deciding not to finish the thought of asking him what he wanted to talk to her about. "I talked to **_Camille_** the other day; she said something about you planning a trip to France this summer. So you're finally going to visit your dad?" **_Christina_** couldn't help giving him an approving smile it had been years since the last time he had saw him and talking on the phone once a week just wasn't the same as seeing him.

The question gave him pause for a second, feeling that, that wasn't what she really wanted to ask. "Yeah I've been thinking about it, I plan on taking **_Camille_** with me, I think it would be a good experience for her and she'll get to meet her grandfather."

**_Christina_** was momentarily taken aback; **_Camille_** hadn't said anything about going with him. Suddenly her heart stuttered as she stared at him giving what he said another long pause of thought feeling a little left out they had talked about visiting his birthplace someday together. "Yeah!" she nodded. "I think she'll like that," she added sadly taking another sip of the coffee as she held his gaze hoping he couldn't recognize the hurt in her voice.

Suddenly feeling the need to change the subject **_Tom_** couldn't help noticing that her eyes had darken with emotion and he wish he could take his words back realizing that there was no need mentioning at that moment about wanting to take Camille with him. "Say do you need some help with those?"

"No," "But thank you though, I think I've got it under control after all it is my job," she quickly answered forcing another smiles his way hoping the envy she was feeling wasn't showing it ugly little head. "And I think **_Camille_** would love that it will be a nice trip for the both of you."

He studied her for a long moment before deciding not to reply to what she has said. **_Tom_** smiled as he stood up feeling it was time to make an easy exit. "Well I better head back to my office I have a little paperwork of my own to do," he muttered before another thought entered his mind. "So— you are going to walk me to the door right?"

**_Christina_** narrowed a questioning eye at him as she sat there for a moment wondering why he wanted or needed her to walk him a few feet across the room. "Sure— why not," she muttered in a slight hesitation as she sat the cup down stood up and slowly rounded her desk. "So— I guess I'll see you later?" she added as she took another step toward the door suddenly realizing that he'd stopped turned and came face to face with her, she couldn't help feeling a sudden rush when he quickly closed the small gap between them his body mere inches from hers. **_Christina_** stood with her feet rooted to the floor as she felt it shift beneath her feet, she swallowed as her brain suddenly became slow and foggy as her vision blurred at inhaling his natural masculine scent and the ocean fresh body wash he loved using, if truth be told it was something that had always driven her crazy. 'Damn being polite,' she thought as she bit her bottom lip wondering why she ever stood up. "**_Tom—?"_** her words halted in midair at feeling his hands undoing the zipper to her dress, she swallowed again at the growing lump in her throat as her back hit the cold wall.

Smirking smugly as fire smoldered from his emerald gaze his lips gentle and seductively brushed against hers as he pulled the fitted dress from her body letting it pool to the floor refusing to give her time to object. "Have I ever told you, you talk too much?" He muttered against her lips as his mouth covered her forcing her lips to part beneath his allowing his tongue full access as he grabbed her wrists pinning them with one hand above her head.

Not completely caught off-guard, **_Christina_** slowly closed her eyes as she hungrily returned his kiss surrendering to the vulnerable state of control he seemed to have over her. As their tongues battled, her body screamed with want, completely lost in his warmth and the smooth sliding of his slick moist flesh against hers as it caused arousal to course through her veins making it difficult for her to think logically. Her brain was telling her this was wrong, he was in a relationship, but eight months of missing him and not getting, any was telling that part of her damn head to shut the hell up. Sweet Jesus, she thought at feeling the floodgates starting to open between her thighs as his mouth took a detour. "What— what are we doing?" she muttered barely audible fighting back the intensity he was causing.

**_Tom_** slowly lifted and cocked his head slightly to the side. "Didn't I always tell you if I had to explain it then I wasn't doing it right," he muttered giving her another wicked smirk as his lips continued their assault to the curve of her neck tasting the tender sweet chocolate flesh beneath them before silencing her once again with another urgent overpowering and heated kiss.

**_Christina_** moaned into his mouth softly tugging against the vice like grip he had on her as he undid the front snap of her bra. "**_Tom—_**," she gasps, pulling her mouth from his panting as his thumb and forefinger teased her breast making her body arched into him wantonly; she struggled for a moment to find her voice. "We— we can't," she finally cried out as little shocks of pleasure raced through her body.

"Yes! We can," he whispered back in a stern voice against her ear as he shifted slightly rubbing the prominent bulge in his pants straining for freedom against her letting her know he was more than serious.

**_Christina_** stood in utter shock for a moment unable to move, this wasn't the **_Tom_** she know he had never been this demanding and forceful with her. Suddenly she felt his hand move from her breast slipping down into the thin scrap of material that was passing as underwear as their eyes finally met she realized that there was no turning back and he wasn't taking no for an answer and the truth was she didn't want him to. **_"_**Oh god**_"_** she mumbled at feeling a slight tug at her hips and the ultra-thin string snapping before his hand slipped between her legs her swollen lips parted in anticipation. Christina's head fell back into the wall with a desperate need as her hips lifted into him, his body shifted, she squealed as he played with her slick folds and his thumb rubbed hard circularly motion on her clit.

Feeling her squirming under his touch, he listened as her moans turned into cries of pleasure and pain. "Your mine," he whispered with a sinister grin pulling at the corner of his mouth as he let her wrist go watching as she managed to partly open her eyes and stare at him. "And you will always be mine **_Christina_**," he added, his voice low at her ear with a hint of danger.

"Ah!— she bit out pulling her lower lip between her teeth trying to muffle the soft screams that threatened to escape her lips, she couldn't agree or disagree with him at the moment with what he was doing. Suddenly she whimpered again slightly opening her eyes at the absences of his touch and hearing the clinking sound of his belt buckle as his pants and boxers fell to the floor pooling around his ankles. **_Christina_** slowly raised her hands removing the only thing left that separated the flesh-to-flesh contact between them. **_"Tom—," _**she whisperedpurring softly as she felt his legs slowly slid between hers, his hips firmly against her body, nudging her thighs and spreading her legs apart as he lifted her off the floor guiding her legs around his waist.

"Hold on." He sighed devouring her with another kiss as he pushed harder guiding himself deeper inside her working her slow and steady knowing exactly what she needed and every pressure point on her body that made her squeal. "Holy shit!" he moaned more to himself as he buried his face in the her curve of her neck as he pulled from her warmth before plunging back in drawing another ragged sigh from the back of her throat as he repeated his actions. **_Tom_** rolled his body slow, hard but steady into her, and after building her up to almost a point of no return, he gripped her tighter intensifying the pressure.

"Please— oh god," she begged, whimpering out as each one of his thrust felt as if she was being pounded further into the wall feeling that her body couldn't take anymore. **_Christina_** lifted her legs more locking them tighter around his waist as his rhythm and his thrusts became erratic and rough forcing himself deeper inside her. She cried aloud with every movement as she tried to match him praying that no one passing the outer office could hear her screams; she was never quiet when it came to **_Tom_**.

"That's it **_Christina_**. That's it baby c**m for me," he muttered as he continued pounding harder, deeper and faster inside her knowing that he wasn't that far behind her.

Clawing her nails deep into his back, her body screamed for relief moans and gasps tumbled from her lips as she cried out his full name. "Oh god! Oh god **_Thomas_**," she repeated as her inner muscles began spamming uncontrollably around him squeezing for dear life as she started crashing further with each stroke he drove her closer over the edge and out of control. Suddenly her head fell back and pressed hard against the wall as her vision went black and her release came followed by wave after wave of intense pleasure tighten every muscle in her body as her hips writhed under him and the aftershock took control.

"Ohhh f***k! Damn baby I've missed you." He grunted against her ear thrusting his hips hard into her a few more times before his entire body started shaking and collapsing against her as the weight of his body kept her from sliding to the floor. **_Tom_** moaned out his own satisfaction, as he buried his face once again into the curve of her neck, as he held steady inside her warmth trying to regain some of his composure. "Damn **_Christina!_** You were always amazing," he whispered in a soft laugh as he tried taking control of his breathing.

"Oh god no!" she muttered in a weak voice as her head started spinning at feeling her throat starting to close tight at hearing his words, her eyes burning as they filled with tears at realizing the significance of what they had just done. "Tom please put me down," she pleaded in barely a whisper as she braced herself slowly dropping her legs from his waist, she just wanted to runaway bury herself in a dark hold and hide knowing this was wrong on so many levels even though she wanted it.

"**_Christina_** what's wrong?" he questioned his tone dripping with concern as he slowly pulled out of her holding her steady as he let her slide down the wall until her feet softly hit the floor. "You wanted this as much as I did," he stated as he held her body pinned against him and the wall.

"I know and I'm sorry," she apologized in a painful voice pushing him back. "We—," she couldn't bring herself to look at him, she quickly gathered her clothes from the floor and disappeared into the small bathroom adjacent to her office.

**_Tom_** redressed himself quickly before approaching the door giving himself a few moments to think about what was happening. Inhaling sharply he raised a brow in frustration and confusion as he ran a hand through his short dirty blonde hair trying to figure out what the hell was the problem with what they had done considering she was the one who cheated on him and if anyone was a fool in this it would clearly be him. "**_Christina_** please open the door and talk to me it will be okay."

**_Christina_** sighed; her heart feeling heavy in her chest as she stared back at herself in the mirror, she wiped the falling tears from her eyes knowing what they did wasn't a good idea from start to finish and thinking how was she going to face him or work around him now with a huge pink elephant in the room. "**_Tom_** please just go away," she pleaded as she pulled the bag of extra clothes from under the sink she turned on the water to clean herself up and drown out the sound of his voice asking her to open the door, she needed him to go, she just wanted to be alone she needed time to think.

Inhaling deeply still not understanding why she was acting like this he opened his mouth again. "I'm not leaving here until we talk about this **_Christina_**," he repeated this time with a little more force to his tone.

"There's nothing to talk about **_Tom_**, please just go away," she yelled from the other side of the door as she snapped her bra together and slipped on a clean pair of underwear.

"**_Christina_** please just open the damn door and talk to me."

**_Christina_** stood leaning against the wall inhaling sharply; forcing her mind not to go there. She briefly closed her eyes and tried to convince herself that it wasn't a mistake but she knew better and so did he, it was one that neither of them could take back. "Why are you making this so hard? It was a mistake **_Tom_** we both know that, let's just forget it ever happened, okay? So please just get the hell out of my office."

"Ugh!" **_Tom_** groaned in frustration slamming his hand against the side of the door. "You're freaking impossible, why do I even bother with you?" he hissed before silence over took the room for a moment as he stood there contemplating if he should break down the damn door. "You know what? Fine **_Christina_** if this is how you want it its f**king okay with me," he yelled back as he headed across the room cursing under his breath, as he reached the office door slamming it behind him as he walked out realizing that he would be a damn fool to step back into the drama again that was **_Christina Hawthorne_**.

To Be Continued...


	2. They don't know it's a four-letter word

**Chapter Two**

** ¸.*ƸӜƷ*.¸ You & I ¸.*ƸӜƷ*.¸ **

**_~*~ They don't know it's a four-letter word~*~_**

**_2:35am _**

Exhausted and emotionally drained **_Christina_** frowned as she entered the house dropping her bags at the door as she kicked it close behind her. Sighing heavily at what she saw she stood on the small landing glancing around the silent room of drawn shades, it all felt so cold unwelcoming and unfamiliar to her. **_Christina_** let out another long breath as she tossed her keys on the side table simultaneously kicking off her shoes and shrugging out of her coat before taking the final dreaded steps toward the sofa and plopping herself down into the overstuff cushion. "Damn it, what the hell were you thinking?" she mumbled as she leaned back trying to force her mind yet again not to go there, but not to her surprise, she was failing at it miserably, she had been consumed with the thoughts running through her brain since she walked out of her bathroom and back into her empty office. "Ugh!" grunting loudly she ran her hands over her face in frustration trying to understanding why she put herself in a predicament like this, why she just didn't say no and stop him, but truth be told she knew the answer regardless if she wanted to accept it or not. With tears, blinding her vision **_Christina_** managed to push herself from her seated position laughing humorlessly and shaking her head in disbelief and disappointment in herself. "God help me," she pleaded as she headed for her bedroom, what she needed now was a hot shower and a few hours of sleep before heading back to the hospital and facing the dreaded possibility of running into him.

**(~***~)**

Through half open eyes, he yawned and blinked at the just rising brightness of the day light coming through the blinds of his office window. **_Tom_** sighed softly as he ran his hands over his face at hearing the sound of knocking on his door. "Come in," he yelled over his shoulder as he pushed himself upright dislodging the blanket that had been draped over him causing the file he had been reading before falling asleep to flop to the floor. He cursed under his breath as he stretched moving his head from side to side trying ease the stiff and sore muscles that were screaming at him form sleeping in an uncomfortable position.

"Bloody hell mate, looks like you had a rough night. What the hell did you do?" **_Steve_** asked as he entered the room.

"Rough—," **_Tom_** chuckled a humorless laugh as it suddenly all came flashing back to him; he sighed and grabbed the file from the floor. "Rough would be an understatement my friend believe me," he mumbled tossing file on the coffee table, he had spent the rest of the night after leaving **_Christina's _**office going over it in his head until a slight migraine consumed him.

Staring at his friend oddly, **_Steve_** took one of the two chairs sitting in front of **_Tom's_** desk turning it until it and he was facing him. "You want to talk about it?"

Leaning back into the sofa he let out a breath of frustration and stared at the man sitting across from him. Knowing this was one of those times that he may need to keep his personal business to himself for more reasons than one**_._** "No, not really, it's just I did something last night I should have thought about before doing it that's all, I made a big ass mistake." **_Tom_** answered diverting his gaze toward the empty coffee cup sitting in front of him staring at it like junkie craving a fix.

Now it was **_Steve's_** turn to narrow his eyes, he stared at him suspiciously wondering what the hell he meant by the statement. "Does what you did have anything to do with a patient or is it more personal?" he asked, watching as a look of panic and fear suddenly deepened into his best friend's facial features. **_Steve_** was getting the feeling that whatever was going on with him had nothing to do with the woman he was seeing or a patient and everything to do with **_Christina_** the only time he seen him this way was when she was getting under his skin**_._**

A knot of tension suddenly formed in hisstomach at the question the answer was no and yes. **_Tom_** lifted his head and looked at his friend thinking only if you knew how stupid—, he paused at the thought. "Ah—, personal," he answered.

"Melisa?"

"Nah! Melisa and I are good." He lied with a smile that didn't reach his eyes knowing that that wasn't completely true as of last night they, more like he had some serious problems and as usual, **_Christina Hawthorne_** was at the forefront and center of them. "I'm just tired, what I need is a vacation." **_Tom_** muttered as he placed his hand on his knees pushing himself up to his feet he wasn't ready to confide in **_Steve_** about this just yet. "Well I better clean myself up; I still have rounds to do."

"Yeah!" **_Steve_** muttered as he stood up with him knowing that his friend was trying to avoid any more questions. "I better get back to the ER." **_Steve_** placed the chair he had been sitting in back in its original position before heading for the door still not convinced of anything he said. **_Steve_** paused at the entrance suddenly remembering what brought him to his office. "Oh hey I almost forgot why I came up here I wanted to know if we were still on for Friday?"

The question gave him pause for a moment. "Yeah," he replied as he made it over tothe alcove that was adjacent to his office. "Umm— you guys are okay with having dinner with me and Melisa?" **_Tom_** asked concerned that **_Bobbie_** might have a problem with it.

**_Steve_** nodded his head in a gestured. "Yeah everything's good," he muttered before disappearing into the outer office.

**(~***~)**

A few hours later the rays of the daylight passed through the curtains, illuminating the room and slightly touching her face, **_Christina_**reached across the bed without opening an eye as she grabbed at the nightstand for the receiver to put an end to the annoying sound that was breaking into her semi unconscious state. "For god's sake I just fell asleep_,_" she muttered in a drowsy voice across the phone line as she curled further into the warmth of the blanket wanting to surrender once again to sleep**. **

"Good morning Mrs. **_Hawthorne_** this is Annie I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

**_Christina_** slowly opened one eye at hearing the sound of her assistant voice as she peered over at the alarm clock sitting next to the base of the phone. "Oh shit!" she cursed at realizing that she had slept through the alarm and it was now well after ten.**_ Christina _**slowly pulled herself up in the bed remembering she had left Annie a note letting her know that she would be in the office no later than ten o'clock. "It's okay Annie I should have been up hours ago if anything I want to thank you for waking me up."_**Christina**_ stretched and pushed the covers back throwing her legs over the side of the bed; she stood to her feet and headed into the front room to grab her keys and start her car. "I'll be there in thirty minutes," **_Christina_** muttered in a hurried tone as she headed back into the bedroom and straight to her closet she rummaged through it pulling out a pair of dark charcoal grey slacks and white silk blouse. "Annie please just hold things down until I get there and again thanks for waking me up what would I do without you?" she asked as she retreated into the bathroom to take care of a few things.

Letting a soft laughter escape her lips she could tell her boss was scrambling around her room trying to get ready. "Go crazy," Annie, muttered in another laughter more to herself. "I don't know but I do know it's not a problem Mrs. **_Hawthorne_** I'll see you in thirty," she replied with a smile as they both said good-bye and ended the call.

About ten minutes later she returned to the bedroom and quickly dressed as she fasten her belt **_Christina_** glanced over at her dresser noticing something she hadn't wore in a long while, normally she wouldn't wear perfume on the job but today she just needed something out of her normal routine. Picking up the bottle of one of her favorite scent's she sprayed herself with a little before replacing the bottle in its home on her dresser and quickly making her way back into the front room. "Ok!" she sighed slipping on her coat and shoes, "let's get this day over with." **_Christina_** grabbed her things as she headed out the front door still dreading the possibility of running into him and as much as she wanted to stay home and hide she knew she couldn't she had responsibilities and a job to do and hiding wasn't the answer or the solution to her problem.

**(~***~)**

**_Tom_** had spent the better part of his morning seeing patients filling in charts and going over the OR schedule, finally making it back to his sanctuary knowing that he only had about an hour of down time to catch up on paperwork. He stood in deep thought staring out of the window at the newly falling snow as he rolled his shoulders and rubbed the back of his neck still trying to release himself of morning kinks of sleeping on his sofa as thought of last night flooded his mind. **_Tom_** sighed he just wanted yesterday to disappear he couldn't change what had happened, but he didn't want to keep thinking about it anymore either. **_Christina_** was right they had made a mistake, no he had made a stupid mistake, and not once when he woke up that morning did he imagine or expect something like that to happen. "Damn it! What the hell were you thinking?" he muttered aloud not realizing that his new assistant Rosemary had just entered the room.

"Did you say something **_Dr._** **_Wakefield_**?" Rosemary asked as she went to hand him a medical file that Dr. Stone had just left for him to look over.

**_Tom_** shook his head as a soft voice broke through his thoughts. "I'm sorry did you say something?"

"That's just what I was asking you **_Dr._** **_Wakefield." _**Rosemary replied still with an out reached hand and now a raised brow.

"I wasn't saying anything just thinking out loud, and Rosemary thank you," he lifted the file toward her just before placing it on his desk. "Damn what now?" he hissed at the vibration of his pager going off, **_Tom_** looked down at the annoying thing that was clipped to his belt. "I really do need a vacation," he muttered before lifting it to see who was paging him, he glanced at the message suddenly realizing that he had been standing there staring out of the window for almost an hour. "Rosemary that was the OR," he muttered out as he walked out of his office and into hers. "If Ms. Morgan calls please tell her that I'll try to meet her in the lobby around 3:45 no later than four." _Melisa Morgan was this sassy well put together 30 year old Real Estate agent_**,** **_Tom_** had met one night when and old college friend invited him to what was supposed to be a very small dinner party that turned into a full-fledged gathering of his wife's single friends. **_Tom_** had spotted her from across the room as she made her way over smiling intently as she struck up a conversation and they ended up spending the rest of the night getting to know a little about each other.

"Yes **_Dr._** **_Wakefield_**." Rosemary muttered watching as he gave her one of his winning smiles nodded his head and headed out of his office for the elevators.

**(~***~)**

Finally making it to her destination **_Christina_** drove into the parking structure noticing right off that his car had never left his parking spot. "Okay **_Christina_** suck it up you have a job to do," she instructed herself as she backed into her space turned off the car and pulled the key from the ignition sighing one last time; she grabbed her bag and exited the car praying that this day would go off without any issues.

**_"Christina?"_**

**_Christina_** turned at the sound of her name. "Hey!"

"Are you just getting here or are you just now getting back?" **_Gail_** questioned as she checked her watch noticing that it was well after eleven.

Putting her optimism in check of the day to come she forced a slight smile as she started to speak. "I went home to get a few hours of sleep."

"Why do you stay here so late?"

**_Gail_** turned and looked at **_Bobbie_** as if she had just met **_Christina_** for the first time. "Seriously **_Bobbie_** now you've known **_Christina_** longer then I have and I know the answer to that question it could only be paperwork which she hates or a patient that kept her here unless—," she paused at her next thought that it was more likely that she didn't want to go home to an empty house.

**_Christina_** narrowed an eye at **_Gail_** waiting for her to continue that thought when suddenly she turned her attention slightly toward the other end of the hall at hearing a voice she recognize all too well. She stood there for another split second considering her options she could face him head on or she could head across the ER and out the back way dodging him all together. **_Christina_** looked from the hall back to the women staring at her funny. "Umm— yeah whatever I'll see you guys later," she muttered in a hurried tone deciding to choose the latter of the two options as she took off leaving the two of them to question her actions.

**_Bobbie_** and **_Gail_** shared a perplexed glance as they stood there watching as **_Christina's_** back disappeared behind the closing door. "Ok what the hell was that all about?"

"You got me!" **_Gail_** replied shaking her head at the whole thing and at that moment she heard **_Tom's _**voice **_Gail_** turned and looked at**_ Bobbie_**. "You don't think?"

"Hey, did someone call me down for a consult," he questioned noticing that they both look a little confused.

"Uh— yeah **_Dr._** **_Wakefield_** the consult is in room three." **_Gail_** answered now thinking that whatever was going on with **_Christina_** had something to do with none other than the man standing in front of them. They all moved toward the nurse's station as **_Gail_** grabbed the patients chart and handing it to him.

"Is everything okay with you two?" **_Tom_** inquired as he took the chart still staring at them as if he was missing something.

"Uh— yeah— yeah of course," she smiled. "Everything is great **_Dr._** **_Wakefield_**," **_Gail_** quickly replied as she glanced over at **_Bobbie_** who was nodding her head in agreement, both avoiding any conversation that involved mentioning **_Christina's name_** to him or him to **_Christina_** it was kind of an unspoken rule in the hospital among the few who knew their past.

"Okay!" **_Tom_** answered in a slow tone giving the both of them another strange look, he was now feeling confused himself. "I'll just go handled this then." **_Tom_** walked off slightly glancing over his shoulder at the two women he couldn't help shaking his head at feeling like something was up.

Watching as he disappeared into the patient's room **_Gail_** glanced over at **_Bobbie_** again. "I'm telling you whatever is going on with **_Christina_** has something to do with him. You know she just hasn't been the—," her words halted at noticing the uncomfortable body language **_Bobbie_** was now expressing the whole ordeal hadn't been easy on any of them, they all felt like they were walking on egg shells around each other.

"With those two who the hell knows," **_Bobbie_** tossed out before **_Gail_** could finish her thought. "They spend more time avoiding each other than anything else, they both just need to talk or sex it out hell do both but something needs to give," she stated as she finished reviewing the information that was sitting in front of her. "Anyway if you need anything page me, I'll be on two west," she tossed over her shoulder as she headed out of the ER for the hallway.

**(~***~)**

"Good morning Annie," **_Christina_** greeted nonchalantly a few minutes later as she entered her outer office and rushed by her thanking god that she made it without incident. "Damn it **_Christina_**," she muttered to herself as she sat in the leather bound chair behind her desk not realizing that Annie had entered the room right behind her.

"Good morning **_Mrs._** **_Hawthorne_** are you okay?" Annie asked placing her morning phone messages in front of her as she stared at her for a moment wondering why she seem like she had just seen a ghost.

**_Christina_** glanced up at the sound of the voice bringing her out of her current thought. "I'm sorry what?"

"I asked if you were okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine Annie what do I have today?"

Annie stared at her moment longer before reciting off her day's agenda. "Oh and I almost forgot this morning's meeting was just moved to two this afternoon," she added before closing the black binder and realizing that **_Christina_** had barely heard a word she had said. "**_Mrs._** **_Hawthorne_**. **_Mrs._** **_Hawthorne_**," she repeated noticing that the blank expression had deepened on her bosses face. "**_Mrs._** **_Hawthorne_** did you hear me?" Annie called out as she stood for a moment waiting for a reply.

"This is crazy I can't avoid—, maybe I should just talk—, no that won't—," she blurted out incomplete sentence as she shook her head and looked up realizing that Annie was still standing in the room and staring at her as if she had just had some kind mental breakdown. "I'm sorry did you say something?" **_Christina_** asked watching Annie shift slightly on her feet and narrowed her eyes at her.

"Yes, before or after I went over your agenda. **_Mrs._** **_Hawthorne?_** Is everything okay with you? You seem a little on edge today. "

"Yes Annie I told you I'm fine I just have a lot on my mind."

"Okay! Well can I get you anything?"

"No! No thank you just let me know ahead of time of any meetings that I have to attend today please. Oh and Annie if anyone needed to see me today please tell them I'm unavailable, I don't want anyone but you coming through that door."

Annie took another curious and confused glance at her she had never refused to see anyone before. "Are—," her words trailed, who was she to question her orders. Annie turned on her heels and heading for the door before pausing and glancing over her shoulder. "Yes ma'am," she quickly mumbled as she headed out the door leaving **_Christina_** to her own thoughts and demons.

**(~***~)**

The day flew by in a furor of activity keeping her and the rest of the hospital she assumed busy, but to her surprise it hadn't, **_Christina_** released a long silent startling breath as she glanced across the semi quiet crowed room. She had been successful at avoiding the possibility of running into him all day even though she had made her mind up to talk to him about what happened she just wanted to find the right time and the right words. As her gaze swept over him huddled in a corner with a beautiful tall auburn, haired woman dressed in a black wool coat black pants and mustard colored blouse accented with shoes that matched. She gasped as she stared watching the interaction between them, his arm wrapped tightly around her waist pulling her into him as he whispered something in her ear that made her giggle; he smiled as she whispered something back before he softly kissed her forehead.**_ Christina_** felt her heart-breaking as the scene unfolded in front of her it was jealousy, plain and simple and she only had herself to blame for her own misery she thought, as she looked away but not before a single tear rolled down her cheek. She turned wiping it away quickly praying that the elevator doors would slide open, saving her from the overwhelming pain welling up in her heart.

Jabbing franticly at the up button like a mad women she just wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear before he saw her. "Come on," she muttered softly, frustration clearly in the sound of her voice as she glanced up at the non-moving numbers above the elevator door knowing without a doubt that it was coming. The inevitable and no sooner then she thought it, there it was rushing in like a thunderstorm, the freaking brick falling from the sky and knocking her over the head. **_Christina_** mentally shook it as she slightly lowered it chuckling inwardly wondering why this woman felt the need to yell out her name from down the damn hall knowing that everyone even a deaf person could hear it. "Damn it! So close," she hissed as she slowly turned thinking only this could happen to her as she met his gaze his eyes boring into her like a moth to a flame before the woman he was standing with quickly regained his attention.

"Yes Karen what can I do for you?" She asked finally turning her attention from **_Tom_** toward the woman as she approached her holding out a file.

"I'm so glad I caught you," she muttered slightly out of breath. "Mr. Raymond asked me to give this to you and he would like you to look over it and call him when you're done."

**_Christina_** quickly took the file from her hand as the elevator doors finally opened. "Thank God!" she muttered under her breath as she stepped between the threshold of the tiny room and the lobby. "Thank you Karen and tell Mark I will get back to him as soon as I can," she quickly added noticing that **_Tom_** and the women had move closer toward the door and he was glancing down at his pager. As the doors closed, she watched as he lifted his head and the last thing she saw was him kissing her.

**(~***~)**

As the last few hours of her work day ticked by **_Christina_** spent them in her office trying to go about her normal routine, she read over the paperwork Mark had giving her for what seemed like the millionth time but she just couldn't focus, her mind kept drifting back to the two of them. "Ugh! Come on, stop this," shemuttered outin a frustrating grunt, she was getting annoyed with herself, her mind wouldn't let this go and she hated that he had this kind of affect over her. **_Christina_** stood to her feet and gathered her things she just wanted to go home take a hot shower and go to bed, but as she headed out the door, she pulled her cell from her pocket and called **_Camille_** she just needed to hear her baby girl's voice. "Hey, sweetie."

"Mom!?" At hearing the sound of her mother's voice the next thing out of her mouth was is everything okay feeling that something was wrong.

"Everything is fine, why?" **_Christina_** questioned trying desperately to keep the depression out of her voice but she knew that **_Camille_** must have detected it when she answered.

**_Camille_** paused for a second as she took a breath and leaned against the wall peeking back into the class praying that her professor wasn't lecturing on anything vitally important. "Because its Thursday mom, it's my late class and you don't sound like everything's okay."

Sighing inwardly, **_Christina_** cursed herself for not realizing that. "Sweetie I'm so sorry, I just wanted to hear your voice that's all," she muttered as she headed out of the ER waving to a few collogues and employees as she did.

"It's fine mom, are you sure that you're okay?"

"Yes **_Camille _**I'm good just had a bad day, now go back to class and I'll call you this weekend, will talk then."

"You sure?"

"Yes!"

"Mom!"

"Really I'm fine," she lied.

"I love you mom."

"I—," her words trailed as she heard the familiar sound of his voice calling out her name trying to get her attention. "I love you too a lot I'll call you this weekend."**_ Christina _**mumbled as she kept walking quickly closing her phone as she hit the button to start her car thinking what the hell does he want now.

"**_Christina_** please wait, I—"

"I don't have time for this **_Tom_**," she yelled over her shoulder cutting him off as she reached her vehicle.

"**_Christina_** look I was hoping that we could talk about what happened."

"I can't. I can't deal with this right now. I can't deal with you, **_Tom_** please just leave me alone."

"**_Christina_** can we please just get out of the cold and go somewhere and talk."

"Why?"

"I just think we need to. I know that you—," **_Tom_** paused quickly rethinking what he was about to say. "Look I never meant to hurt you, I— it just never—"

**_Christina_** narrowed her eyes as she just listened as every other word that came out of his mouth hung in the air, she know exactly what he was trying to say, what she couldn't understand was why he was finding it so damn hard to just say he was seeing someone and what they did was a mistake. "You know what **_Tom_** let me save you some time," she angrily said. "You didn't hurt me so let's get that straight," she retorted back knowing full well that it was a lie, she was hurting, it hurt like hell seeing him with someone else.

"Don't stand there and act like what we did doesn't matter or that it's not affecting you, hell it's affecting me."

"I just bet it is affecting you **_Tom_**." **_Christina_** hissed in another angry voice thinking back to the woman he was being really familiar with in the lobby. "You didn't seem too affected by it this afternoon when I saw you. **_Tom_** what the hell do you want me to say? That I'm devastated, that I'm hurt over seeing you with your little girlfriend, that I hate myself every day for what I did to you, that I was stupid and a damn fool for letting you screw me. Fine **_Tom_** I'm all of those things, I hate myself, I'm hurt, devastated, stupid and a damn fool, are you satisfied you finally got revenge you finally hurt me as much as I hurt you are you happy? There you go we've talked about it; now get the hell out of my way! So I can go the hell home," she screamed as she tried pushing him away from her door.

"What the hell is your damn problem?"

"You are. You're my damn problem **_Tom_** now MOVE!"

"Look **_Christina _**I just need to know that we can get passed this we still have a daughter to think about and not to mention we work together I don't want your anger affecting that."

**_Christina_** narrowed her eyes to a slit this time and just stared at him as if he had just lost his damn mind she took a few deep breathes inwardly, with her hand firmly gripping the door handle she struggled for some control and in the calmest voice she could muster up she spoke. "Yeah **_Tom_** we're fine I'm already passed it," she said sarcastically. "Now please move out of my way."

**_Tom_** raised his hands and took a step back letting her open her car door. "I don't blame you for what we did**_ Christina_**."

**_Christina _**chuckled humorlessly as herblood immediately started to boil at his words, was he fucking kidding she thought as she stood there staring at him in disbelief feeling like, she was being punked he was seriously standing there blaming her for what happened. "Your— ," she paused taking in a breath trying to take control of her emotions once again the last thing she wanted was to give him the satisfaction again. "You know what? Goodnight **_Tom_**," she politely threw at him as she slid into the driver's seat of her car, she closed the door shaking her head as she backed out leaving him standing in the cold watching as her tail lights disappeared into the night.


End file.
